Betrayal, Emotional abuse, Midlife, Relationships, Women

The Lie in Believe

Believe
Believe? An interesting word in both meaning as well as the composition of letters that compose this word. Marriam-Webster (2014c) defines believe as “to accept or regard (something) as true” or “to accept the truth of what is said by (someone)”. As I have studied the word believe, I find it ironic that the word “belie” are the letters that I write down to spell out “believe”. Marriam Webster (2014b) defines “belie” as “to give a false idea of (something)” or “to show (something) to be false or wrong”. The word belie has a dual meaning depending on the context of how it is used. Belie can be the act of trying to deceive another individual, or refers to the act of trying to refute what another has said, hence showing their deception. As I further try to decode the composition of the word “believe”, I have noticed the word “lie” is the middle of the word “believe”, and composes the end of the word “belie”. Marriam-Webster (2014a) defines lie as “to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive” or “to create a false or misleading impression”.

I find it painful and agonizing that I have wasted so much energy in not only trying to understand the symbolic morphology of these three words, but even more so painful that I have spent so much of my energy in living out my life with regards to these three words: Believe, belie, and lie. These three concepts have pervaded the past years of my life in my attempts to escape reality. I have wasted energy trying to believe the lies. I have wasted energy trying to belie the lies I have been told. I have engaged in a vicious and self-destructive pattern of trying to believe these lies, while my intuition has engaged me in the counter process of showing the belie of the lies. This process has done nothing more than taking me on a roller coaster of emotions. There are those brief momentary highs of believing the lie, only to send me into a downward spiral filled with hurt, pain, and betrayal as my acts to belie (to show something to be false or wrong) have shown the belie (to give a false idea of something) of others around me.

While I consider myself a moderately intelligent person, my stupidity is my failure to learn to quit purchasing the tickets on this roller coaster ride of believe, belie, and lie. The individuals that have been the operators of this ride, and who I have continuously bought the tickets to the roller coaster of agony, are the greatest salesmen because they know of my most inner weaknesses. Their ability to keep selling me another ticket comes from their knowledge on my own insecurities and inner weaknesses, which the art of sales and marketing are based on feeding on the insecurities and needs of individuals. In all honesty, how can I blame the salesmen? For in every sale there has to be a willing customer ready to snatch up the next deal. Why is it that I continue to buy this ticket, even though I know the ride will leave me nauseated and leave me wrenching a stream of vomit of my own soul? Perhaps it is time that I exit the amusement park to take away the temptation of purchasing another ticket on the “roller coaster of believe, belie, and lie”, in not only its symbolic composition, but the emotions that come with the process of believing. I no longer choose to believe the salesman.

References
Marriam-Webster Online. (2014a). Lie. Last accessed May 20, 2014 at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lie
Marriam-Webster Online. (2014b). Belie. Last accessed May 20, 2014 at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/belie
Marriam-Webster Online. (2014c). Believe. Last accessed May 20, 2014 at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/believe

Standard